i never felt alone... until i met you..

i'm probably going to unplug today.

i just spent a few hours reading about alzheimer's and such. why you ask? i'm going to be spending the next six months taking care of my grandma. i don't care what my mom says. maybe i will get so depressed that i'll burn out. but she's my fucking grandmother. so fuck parties, friends and life. i want the last few days, months or years of my grandmother's life to be at home and with someone she knows. that person is me.

i think god is testing me.. i don't like it. fuck you god. FUCK YOU. you can take your fucking test and shove it up your holy ass. you can kill off every fucking person i love but you're not going to win. i am. i'm going to win. i will come out on top of your holy fucking mountain. me. just me. then i will dance my victory dance and laugh at you. i can't wait.

[i hope this doesn't offend crystal. she respects "god" a lot more than i do.]