faith, restored.

today i had a lot of insecurities about myself. i woke up after a pretty bad night only to feel worse then i had the night before. when i looked in the mirror i had bags under my eyes and a pimple hiding somewhere near my hairline. my skin was sunburned and dry. i smelled like clove cigarettes and my hair was just.. ratty. but it was also my self esteem that had been withered away by a few little words last night by someone i cared about.

that's when i vowed to be me and i took back all that self esteem from where it layed on the ground, smashed to bits. i put it back together. i sucked up my pride, took a shower, put a little concealer on my bags and felt better. much better.

so all day i planned fun for my day and i got that. granted it wasn't seeing weezer in concert because ticketmaster sucks but still the 20 people crammed into my room to watch the red violin was .. interesting. they were full of life, energy and affection. i needed that. i needed to be shown how much i meant to other people.

but when they all were gone i felt more lonely and lost then i did before.

it was electronic mail that brought my spirits up. people telling me that they were there for me and that they liked what i had to say.

so my faith has restored again.. little by little i will overcome it all. nothing is going to own me again. not you, not that, not him, not her, not anyone.. i promise myself that much. never again.

[this shoulda been a journal entry huh? :\ oh well.]