sigh...

well i didn't really want to be posting anymore until i'd changed servers but i guess i'm at the mercy of ruzz right now. what was that quote my uncle always used... "when someone holds in their hand the thing that means the most to you they hold you by the heart and most importantly by the throat." ?..

today was the most peaceful day of my life, or at least one of them. i spent part of the day sleeping and then i got my ass up and went out to lunch with a few old high school buddies. they were surprised that i had decided to go back to new york but i think everyone is. not that new york isn't my most favorite place but the fact that i'm going back home to live AT home is odd i think.

my grandma is worse it seems, according to my brother, but hopefully she'll make till i get home. she tends to be worse then better then wors but i've taken the sad stance that if she doesn't make it till the 31st of august.. oh well. i've had many long years with her before she got sick and that's what counts the most, i think. i can't sit here and be sad that she lived so long and now it's all coming to an end, ya know?

i'm going to join some rowdy [or not so rowdy] protests at the DNC so if you see me on the news or something of that nature don't be alarmed. i just feel the need to do something, ya know? if my posts go blank for a few days and no one sees me online then i might be in jail. oh the shame i'll bring on my ultra conservative uncle. but that's not my point. my point is that ... my parents had a cause.. almost every generation before mine had a cause. what's our cause? i don't really see one .. but i want one for myself.

this reads more like a journal entry but i think that was the point.. i don't want to invest time in a journal entry when i plan on changing the whole layout when i move servers..... when is the key word there. it may not seem important for some people.. but it is important to me to get somewhere i feel i belong and i feel safe. kinda like the whole "i need a cause thing." kinda like my whole moving back to new york thing.

oh well i guess i just have to wait.