saturday was a good day....

and it's not even over. last night really early or late [depending on your idea of early or late] i went out with someone to watch the meteor shower. did you miss it? well i'm sorry you did. it was the most amazing event that has occured in the past 5 months to me.

it wasn't the company that i had watching things fly across the sky [though it did add to my comfort] it was just the night had been so sad and compressed that i felt as if i was suddenly flying across the sky.

someone i adore left for utah tonight. on the 28th of august most of the people i adore in new york will be back in school or something of that nature.. in a week or so pete leaves for back east because he's a school kid too. when i leave here i leave friends and people i made real connections with. but i'm the only one going back to nothing in new york but memories.

i'm shooting across the sky with no destination and no purpose but to make everyone go oooo and ahhh i guess. but at least i'm impressed with myself.

i honestly hope you, the person reading this, are impressed with yourself. i hope when you wake up tomorrow morning you can go "i said nice things yesterday. i cared about people. i forgave someone. i loved someone. i hugged someone. i shared with someone. i helped someone and i believed in someone."

because you can't be impressed with yourself by hurting other people, lashing out at people you don't really know and thinking to yourself that you're just so right. THAT isn't impressive. i was never impressive until 3 am last night. how's that? because i let go of my ugly self. i admitted all my wrongs to pete's virgin ears. i told him of all the things i said and didn't mean.. of all the things people thought i meant but didn't. giving it all up to the balls of rock burning through the atmosphere. i gave all my wrongs to them and they took them.. burned them and left me there.

i haven't said the words "i love you" to anyone [other than family and friends] and meant it in a long time. i think it's been over two years. all my old boyfriends who read this might not be very shocked at that. you might want to write me e-mails and say "oh i knew that, bitch." but see.. that's not very impressive is it?

somehow this turned into another fucking "oo i'm so introspective" post of crap. i apologize for that. but did you see the meteor shower last night? it was enough to inspire years of poetry and centuries of thought or at least that's how i feel about it.