return to sender? address unknown?

perhaps the breaking of the heart is a longer process then i made it out to be.

today was a pretty good day. i didn't cry [except of course during ER because i always cry during ER] at all over my stupid little pain. in fact other then writing about it i never really thought about it.

i just worked. perhaps thats the way i deal with my pain is to work. i know dianne, my boss, would be happy to know that because of my broken heart she got 4.5 hours of work in a little over 3. but after all the work was done i was alone with my thoughts.

but even that empty alone feeling didn't lead me to any sorrow or pain over my broken heart.

then it all came crashing down over me. the tidal wave after the tidal wave.

he decided to take my heart again and ship it around the world. all in the span of about 4 days he succeeded in breaking my heart twice. this time was more indirect. this time he didn't say anything to me except to tell me how he got some girl pregnant, again. of course the first time she got an abortion and didnt' tell him until about 6 months later?

i so want to call him stupid because some how this girl is the fucking virgin mary and has concieved two of his babies through condoms OH and the little fact that he was/is sterile [or so he told me].

somehow i find it in my heart to forgive him.. because he's in love with her and is blind to what everyone else can see..

but apparently.. so am i.