it's so hard to write lately. i can't make any sense of the thoughts in my head. they seem so trivial to the things around me. there really is no sense in what i write as of late.

boys, music, and being sad.

that's what i write about.

i had lost most interest with jack.. and i figured the feelings were mutual. i didn't even read his response to the letter i posted. how he felt about it wasn't exactly important to me.. it was just important that i got how i felt. jack just he reminded me of all the other boys i'd ever surrounded myself with. music, girls and perhaps another random obsession is what surrounds the boys that surround me.

oliver: music, girls, alcohol.
sam: music, girls, computers
brandon: music, girls, graphic design
george: music, girls, comic books [the expensive kind not the 2.00 kind]
joe: music, girls, his buisness
richard: music, girls, being an EMT
richard: music, girls, books
my brother, sean: music, girls, stock market
tom: music, girls, food

those are the boys i adore. and the top two sam and oliver sat me down to say they really wanted to stay longer in seattle because they needed more male companionship i understood. i had breasts and though they considered me a good friend and very close to them there is no substitute for penis talk.

and i don't have a penis.

i redesigned for the final time. i decided i really like this design. it reminds me of playing gee-tar. it reminds me of boys with shaggy hair and converse all stars.

it reminds me of this song:

i wanna see it when you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about
i wanna see their faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller
i wanna see it now
i wanna see it now .....
i wanna see movies of my dreams

what do your dreams look like? tell me