i've ben reading a lot of books lately. they're books that i've read before and i picked up a copy of the hottest state by ethan hawke. when i first read the book i thought.. "yeah ok ethan hawke. this is going to be a picture book." i mean his name was almost bigger then the title. but it was a good book.

greg had read it too and when he saw me place it on the counter last night he smiled.

"you're the girl in that book," he pointed as i smiled at the short, thin haired, girl behind the counter.

"i am?" i didn't remember much about the girl in the book except the description of her in a green dress.

"emotionally you are. trying to keep me at this distance. refusing to let yourself just fall into my arms. you plan it out so perfectly so that it sounds and looks like a perfect play instead of us just being together," the smile on his face belied the truth and pain in his words.

"i do that. i know."

"yeah. you do. but i forgive you."

we rode home in silence. the words that we didn't say mingled in our heads and in each breath we took. the air was cold. spring wasn't anywhere near being here. at a stop light he reached over and rubbed my cheek. i held my book close to my chest and held his hand there.

i smiled for the camera. i smiled for him. i wondered when i would start smiling, for myself.