i'm so tired but i don't really care.

at work we listen to NPR.. you know.. the diane rehm show or public interest with what's his face, kojo nnamdi. don't worry if you don't know who he is or she is. don't worry if you don't know what the hell NPR is. i won't hold it against you.

but i enjoy it when i'm tired because i hear things only half the time. my boss is australian and we talk about the sad affair of american politics and ideals. i enjoy it because she sees all the stuff i see. she's older than i am. so i know i'm not crazy.

or maybe all australians are crazy and she's crazy and that makes me crazy. but really she's not crazy, just a little tense. but we're all tense around here.. we think that the diane rehm show and kojo nnamdi make us less tense because we're learning something but in reality it doesn't. all we hear is the bad news and the bad stuff and that just makes us more tense. but we like to dilute our emotions around here.. at least i do. i don't think dianne does.

but she gets to go out to lunch and i get to stay here with the big monitor and my cold garden burger and my orange juice in my ceramic mug. so maybe it's the driving and getting out of here tha makes her not insane and makes me insane. maybe it's the layout i keep having to fix for this stupid vanishing textiles site. all the updating just when i think i'm done is going to kill me.

i'm insane.

are you picking me up today? you.. you know who you are. are you? because i'd like to see you.. just call. i'll be here. i'll be here with my ceramic mug i drink too much juice and water out of. the one you bought for me on sunday.

i'm really tired. can any one tell? i really do sound insane don't i.. but really.. i'm not. i'm just tired. i was up late. were you? maybe you were.