when i was a kid i would spin, spin, spin on the dewey summer grass until i fell down giggling and i would watch the blue sky spin above my head. sam would alway sit on my little yellow plastic bird swing and watch me. i was always the instigator. i would grab his hand and pull him across the street into the woods where we would hide. i was the one who forced him to steal marshmellows from my pantry. i was the bad girl and i was only 5.

i don't spin much anymore. i used to spin in my chair while waiting for jack to respond to a message. i used to spin in my chair while waiting for something exciting to happen. lately nothing exciting was happening. lately .. nothing was worth spinning over.

tonight greg was so happy to see me when he got home that he spun me around. circles turned into circles .. and more circles. my stomach felt weak and i pounded on his back, giggling, hoping he would put me down. eventually he did and we pulled away from each other. my face was flushed, the whole apartment smelled like olive oil.

"i like coming home to you," he gushed, pushing his driving glasses on top of his head and dropping his breifcase to the ground.

"i made pasta for din-"

he cut me off and kissed me. it wasn't a gentle kiss but a firm: "look at me i adore you" kind of kiss and it curled my toes, made butterflies in my stomach and melted my cold body into butter. he wouldn't let go of me until i had kissed him back.

"do you ever get sick of just kissing me?" i asked him later on that night.

"if you mean do i ever get bored of it? no. but if you mean, do i sometimes want more? yes."

"what do you mean by more? like fucking?" the words were harsh against my lips but he didn't flinch or react to them.

"no. i mean i want to be able to.." his voice trailed off and he moved closer to me on the couch, "do this."

his hand went under my sweater then my shirt and fell against my bare skin. his hand traveled up my side while his other hand wrapped around my waist, gripping onto my hip. his fingers danced under my clothing, tickling, touching, rubbing. in those few seconds his lips were also on my earlobe, down my neck and it all happened so fast and it all felt so hot.

"but that all leads to sex," i sighed, pushing him away.

"yes one day it will. but you don't want it to right now so i'm respecting that. but yes.. i do sometimes want more then your lips."

my head was screaming "so do i! so do i!" but the words wouldn't escape from my lips. his fingers made me feel like i was spinning again in the dewey grass in my backyard. they were too familiar, too giving and too sensual.

-too perfect-