Dear Grandma:

I learned that writing letters is important when you're grieving or sad. I learned it from an 11 yearold i don't even know. you always used to tell me that letters are the map to the soul. you taught me so much in my short life.. and yet i know your lessons were hardly over.. but before you could teach me everything, something stole your memory away from me..

you were stolen away from me slowly.. ever so slowly. it was painful to watch.. it was painful to handle so i fled. i ran away and i didn't even get to say good-bye..

i never said good-bye.. at least not when you could remember. i never got to give you that one last hug.. i never got to hear that one last story that i wanted to tell my children.

i remember all the stories about grandpa.. how he over came alcoholism just to be with you.. how he died so early and without you. i knew him through you.. i knew him through your words. dad would tell me some stories but yours were so much better.. they made me cry. they made me laugh.. i miss those stories.

you taught me how to be a real woman. you taught me how to be strong.. sometimes i wonder how i do what i do.. living that is. you grew up the oldest of 13 children.. you raised them just as much as your mother did. you out lived all of them except three. every time i find myself complaining that i don't have enough money.. or shoes to match my pants i think of how you grew up.. and suddenly i'm humbled.

you once told me you didn't fear death.. you told me that after grand pa died you were waiting to be with him. i knew how much you missed him. i could hear you cry at night sometimes on your wedding anniversary. i pretended not to notice and i would buy you your lilies.. your flowers.. i sent you some today but you won't know who sent them to you.. i don't even know if you know what lilies are anymore..

i guess you don't remember much anymore.. according to mom.. you don't remember teaching me how to waltz. or teaching me how to make real italian pasta.. you don't remember my graduations or how i almost got married. nothing.. it's all gone.. my whole life with you is gone...

taken away.. and soon you too will be gone..

you are the woman i want to be.. one day.. one day i'll look at myself in the mirror and you'll be staring back at me..

your memory will live on in my head.. in my words.. in my stories.. my children will know of you and their children too. you may pass from this earth but you live forever in my heart.

i love you mimi.. i love you with all my heart..

love,
your little munchkin