i made sure to paint my nails before we went out. my nails had been killed by the constant abuse i inflicted on them when i was trying to write a song or play it on greg's guitar. they were chipped and cracked. the nailpolish was a good way to hide it all, just like when i smile to cover up my pain and uncertainty. no one can really see what's underneath and i've come to enjoy it that way.

i knew greg was somewhere behind me as i pushed my way through the crowd. this was the house we had first met each other in and the smell still registered on my nostrils. it smelled of wood and alcohol but i was more in search of water or sarah. i found the table filled with bottles and bottles of named and anonymous drinks. suddenly he was at my side and he showed me into the kitchen.

"water," he pointed to the contraption on the fridge and handed me a glass.

"thanks," i nodded and put my glass underneath and pushed, fresh water falling out from somewhere inside the fridge.

that was when he kissed me. i had been avoiding it due to this cold sore that was forming on the side of my mouth but he kissed me anyway and i tried not to pull away from him too quickly. when he finally let go of my lips his eyes met mine. he looked hurt. i didn't know what to say.

he put his cup down and stared at me. it was then that the kitchen suddenly got way too loud and we were surrounded by people. i took his hand and pulled us away from the rowdy group of people. as we exited a pretty girl with green eyes approached us.

"hey greg," she smiled, yelling over the loud music.

"hey karen," he yelled back, holding my hand tighter.

i looked back and forth between them and i noticed her body language. she was interested in him. i could tell how she adjusted her tight navy blue shirt and the way she scratched her face. i could smell it in her smile and i wanted to run away from the two of them. let her have him because i was obviously not doing anything for him.

she suddenly exited from our area and i felt greg's lips against my ear.

"that was the most evil look i've ever seen anyone give anyone," he whispered.

i touched my face quickly, afraid of what my subconscious had done. it was relaxed and there was obviously no expression on my face. i didn't ask what i had done. i wanted him to think i knew what i was doing. but.. i didn't.

we spent the next few hours standing in the midst of his friends. they were people i didn't know and mostly men. they occasionally asked me a question but if they didn't speak to me i didn't speak to them. they talked about guitars, girls, books and their bad jobs. i felt their eyes on me occasionally but didn't waste my time exchanging glances. i had always felt out of place in large groups of people i didn't know. this was no different.

it was then that suddenly sarah broke through the ring of greg's friends and grabbed me. i hadn't seen her all night and the image of her made me want to cry.

"come with me, " she grinned and pulled on my hand.

i reached up to greg and kissed him. i kissed him hard and with passion he hadn't experienced from me all week. i don't know if i did it for all of the people who were watching. i don't know if i did it because i was so happy to get away from his friends. i don't know why i did it, but i did.

for the next hour all i thought about was that kiss. why had i decided at that moment to kiss him like that and why i hadn't kissed him like that in the kitchen? sarah commented on my distraction and all i did was nod. i had come to love her friends, a group of bubbly and highly sarcastic women and i laughed randomly at their commentary but i didn't partake in it. then suddenly i excused myself and went to find greg.

i saw him, the blond karen suddenly in the group around him and she was laughing. he wasn't talking to anyone and was staring blankly at the ceiling.

i pushed my way through all of his friends and made sure to make contact with karen. greg's head snapped to attention as i entered into his few feet of personal space.

i kissed him again. i wanted to kiss him this time. then he kissed me back, knowing that everyone was probably watching us but we kissed. as we kissed, i realized we hadn't kissed like this in forever. i'd been so preoccupied with myself that.. i forgot about how nice it was to kiss him and how much stress it relieved. when we eventually let go of each other i felt lighter and happier then i had in the past few days. we then stood there staring at each other, slight grins on our faces.

i could see in his eyes that he had obviously accepted my apology. our lips had met, exchanged grievances, apologized and made nice in those few minutes that we had kissed.

i might have said that i was sad that we couldn't have fought or said the words that we had been thinking in our heads all week. but this was easier for us to handle.

maybe it wasn't the most mature way to handle it all.. but we are both new at this so we're making our own rules. it's easier that way.