there are times when i simply just want to crawl away and never return.. leaving my web page for the ghost sites to pick at after a few years. but i know i can't do it. i know i can't stop doing this.. why? because it's like an addiction. sharing my thoughts with strangers.. it's an addiction.

anyone can read this.. i know that. but i hope when they leave they take away more from it then is actually there. people tell me that my life has made them thank the lord for their own. at times that has made me sad .. the fact that my life is so sad as to make others become happy with their own. sometimes i feel like the news, you know when you see a father who's lost the mother of his 5 children.. you realize that life isn't that bad.

other people have told me that i have inspired them to start their own journals. that's what hits me the most. my words actually inspired someone to start putting their life down on paper.. maybe it's not on the internet but it's somewhere..

one day i'll look back on all of this when i'm 30 and i might laugh.. or i might even still be doing this. most likely i'll still be doing this. sharing my life with you..

it's odd to know that one day i'll be typing here "i'm getting married soon.. god i'm scared.." or one day talk about my children and how they came into the world..

i wonder what kind of person i'll be then.. i hope i'm a better person. i hope this world is a better world. i really hope that i will be here in 10 years..

that would amaze me so.. so.. much.