i smile a lot lately. i smile wide, happy, wishful smiles; shy, quiet, tired smiles; wishful, dreaming, wispy smiles; behind the computer screen, blushing, embarrassed smiles. i don't know why.. but i do.

i wake up and i dance in the kitchen making coffee. i read the paper, but the news doesn't hit me that much anymore. i read the same books lately over and over.. and over. all the words in them seem lighter and happier. i smell my skin and i laugh. it all feels so fresh.

it feels more real now.

which was the main purpose of me leaving here.. so that when i came back it felt real again. it does you know.. it feels real..it feels so real that i can't even sit in front of my computer for more than an hour before i feel the urge to run outside and play in the park or walk along third street and watch the Mr. Jackson guy sing his Michael Jackson songs.

i feel alive again and i'm enjoying it.. more than i ever enjoyed it before.

thank you bed.. thank you flowers.. thank you everything.. yes. thank you..for bringing me back to life.