nothing seems to be coming out of my fingers.

i've become someone i despise you know? i've become the girls in the corner with the cat like grins and the evil nail polish that taunted my ability to be unique in high school. i've gained attributes of the jealous girls in film class who wanted to be oliver's girlfriend and touch his milky white skin. i've become the girl who wants you to look at her because she thinks she's so amazingly beautiful.

but i want you to look at me because i don't even know what i look like anymore and i want you to tell me.

it's all because i was suppose to be on the east coast by the end of may. i wasn't suppose to actually fall for anyone. i wasn't suppose to want him so much that i can't even express words to him anymore. i'd fucked up great guys before by saying what i didn't mean to say. now i'm about to fuck up a great guy by not saying anything.

i feel lost inside my skin. i am a woman. i am a person. but lately i feel like a little girl watching in through a window at the rest of the world working, thinking, loving, and conversing. i want to take part in that..

i just want to get inside again so i can be warm. warm like that night i wrote his number on my hand.

...complete...