you ever...

put your hand out but nothing reaches out to meet it?
blow your own warm breath against your fingers because there was nobody there to warm them?
stick your hands in your pockes because you had nobody to hold them?

where are your hands?
because my hands...
       miss yours.

friday night and i don't love you.

friday nights, in the fall in a small town are worse than boring. you can go bowling [which only the hicky bubba type people do], play pool [which you only do if you want some booty] or go to the movies. me and my friends used to like sit around the wood burning stove in my living room, drink coffee and watch bad movies with hot guys in them. there were of course nights when we would go night bowling or go to the pool hall to pick up guys but we won't go into that.

but tonight it was a strange story of pizza [the best damn pizza in NY] and informing an old old old drunk boyfriend that i didn't love him.

it seems i've dated all the dilusional men or i seem to attract them. they come to the conculsion that i can't live with out them even if i haven't seen them in two years or spoken to them in months. it's true there are still boys i've dated that i want to see, talk to or be with even after not seeing or talking to them for months and even years but most of them all i can say about them is: BLAH.

perhaps i should give all the guys i meet some sort of "are you a fucked up psycho?" test. you know, just to be safe.

you think i'm kidding, but i'm not.

before i sleep..

i don't check my e-mail enough. i was yelling at aim and i closed it so i thought i'd read my e-mail. i was going to send an e-mail to someone who graced my computer screen last night with small words of inspiration to let him know that he had indeed inspired me and he didn't know it.

so i got an e-mail from nadia who should be on the side bar there in the IEH but she isn't but she might be soon if i get unlazy. but anyway she was all about telling me about this piece of beauty called glassblink which is as apealing to the eye as it is to the mind and that led me to this boy, who i fell in love with [not because those might be his hands on this page *i.lie*] because he likes the sound of rain and the smell of cinnamon and the color blue-grey not even gray. but blue and grey.

this of course all but distracted me from my intial thoughts of e-mail and now i sit here with the need to write an e-mail but more of a need to sleep. so i will sleep and dream of inspiration, glass, cinnamon, and the setting sun.

yer just soooo hip

you ever see those girls who walk down the street with their hip glasses, hip sweaters, hip shoes and hip pants? you ever want to ask them what magazine they walked out of or what store they just exited? you ever want to ask them if they've ever kept the same pair of jeans for more than a year?

you ever want to ask them if they actually have a personality or is that too just molded by the magazines they read, stores they shop in and shows they watch?

maybe it's just me. yes i'm sure it's just me, right?

a day off is precious..

after working for hours and hours and hours and hours, with no days off and massive amounts of html floating through my brain i was done yesterday.

so i got to sleep in late today, do nothing and try to find justin who has my newly fixed camera so i can take pictures.

life is good today. mmm hmm.